Can You Say "Ugly?"
2003-11-17: Mighty Pirates 0 at Goldmembers 6

Howie had a very busy week, which was good news for two reasons. Having lots of other things to do kept him from thinking about the 0-6 drubbing that the Goldmembers dished out to your Mighty Pirates last Monday, and it also put off the unenviable task of having to write the Howie Report on said drubbing. But every man must ultimately face his fate, so here is the HR at last.

Let's start with the facts. The boys were able to muster just 12 skaters, which was not in itself a bad showing - four defence (Peter Toth, Blair Dimock, Michael Levine and Kapil Khatter standing on guard for thee) and three sets of wingers (Dave Turner with Nick Perri, Mark Sager with Rob Kwinter, and Jonathan Gallivan with Les Klein) and two centres (John Mutch and Jim Jezioranski). Matthew Lella was (luckily for your heroes) in net, or it might have been even uglier. Missing were Richard Bingham, Brian Vandenberg, and the injured Vito Mola and Auby Mandell.

The game started innocuously enough, but within 55 seconds, the 'Members had put one away, making it 1-0. This did not unnerve the Pirates unnecessarily, and they kept at their game plan. What started to wear on the buccaneers' nerves were the repeated opportunities that did not materialize into scores. Observers noted at least three clear breakaways that somehow were broken up and resulted in rushes the other way that caught the forwards napping and the defence on their heels. While the game flowed back and forth fairly evenly, the pace began to tell on your heroes, as more and more of the races were won by the Goldies, and fewer and fewer by the boys in the gold and black. Another disturbing trend was the tendency of the Pirates to attack the puck with their stick, but if it did not bounce their way, they would find themselves past their opponents and with the path to the goal wide open.

These bad breaks and bad habits were exacerbated in the second period, where the Goldeyes potted a second goal with 7:09 remaining and a third in the last minute of the period. By this time, alas and alack, the Pirates were looking pretty winded, and the Goldmembers came storming through the lines time and time again. That of course is overstating the case, since by the third period, not only had the Pirates decided that there was nothing to play for - that indeed the game was over after two periods! - but furthermore that the rink consisted only of the neutral zone and the opponents' end. Nary a Pirate was seen in their own end backchecking or helping out in front of the net or covering the enemy defencemen at the blue line except by coincidence, if it happened to be on the way to or from the bench! It was nothing short of an embarrassment! Pirate Brand Hockey® defiled on the ice! The Wednesday Night Pirate Skate™ made to appear like an LSD-induced dream! These were not the Pirates, these were the Soldiers of Surrender, the Players of Appeasement, the Skaters of Silence!

Two other observations for consideration: the first was offered up by the mighty Mighty Pirates webmaster, Jonathan Gallivan, who noted that in total scoring by period, the Pirates hold the edge against their opponents 6-5. In the second period, the pendulum swings the other way, as the opponents have outscored the Pirates 10-5. By the third period, the spread has grown to 13-4! This shows tiredness and a lack of focus! We must play every game, every period, every shift and every second as though it is the ONLY game, period, shift and second. No let-ups will be left unpunished in this division.

The second observation is that the Goldmembers in particular, and the other teams in this division in general, use a strong and aggressive passing game. They position their wingers along the boards and as soon as the puck crosses their blue line, they fire the puck up the boards or across the ice to the guy who has the open ice, giving them tremendous options of shooting, passing, or handling the puck until reinforcements arrive. This strategy also allows them to bring up every attack with three players at least. Without support from the Pirate forwards, this means that every rush the Pirate defence faces is an odd-man rush. The result: 0-6! No more needs to be said...

The fan base (estimated at 5 and made up exclusively of Member supporters) heaped abuse upon the glory that should be the Mighty Pirates. They slunk back to their locker rooms with their heads and sticks hung in shame, frustration and disgust. The mood was not much better at the post-game Howie beer-and-wings team meeting and conference, which - it is reported - went on long into the night. The funk continued and did not lift in fact until Wednesday, when at the Wednesday Night Pirate Skate™, fans were thrilled to see the first return to the ice of Auby Mandell. Suddenly, the Pirate eyes lit up as they saw the fabled skating, the gifted wrist shot and the glowing smile on the legendary Pirate returned to his favorite haunt. Does this event mark a turning point for the Pirate fortunes this season? Check it out for yourself on Monday, November 24 at 10:15 as the Pirates face the Venom, in RINX 1. The Pirates lead the all-time series 2-1-0, but the Venom are a revitalized team, giving the best in the Monday Canadian Division a battle at every turn!

In the meantime, let's get back to basics:

GO PIRATES!!! VIVA LOS PIRATAS!!!

Howie