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After extensive contract negotiations, the Mighty Pirates organization is extremely pleased to welcome back Howie for another season of insightful, amusing, and extremely addictive commentary! Yes, Howie tells it like it is!

You'll find links to each and every Howie Report right here after each game.

Venom and Iceholes Continue Pirate Thrashings
2004-11-01: Mighty Pirates 1 vs. Iceholes 9

Howie was so bummed out by the thrashing handed out by the Venom on Monday night, October 25 that he could not bring himself to even issue a column. The headline "Pirates Find No Antidote for Venom" was as far as his creative juices could carry him. And now, after an equally authoritative drubbing at the hands of the Iceholes on November 1, it seems that the inevitable is sinking in with the boys in yellow.

There is not an astute observer of Pirate Brand Hockey® who would say that your heroes have not been giving their all on the ice at every game, and it is true that for the first period or even sometimes two periods, the boys have been able to keep the last three games from becoming an embarrassment. However, when add in the second half of the game or the third period, and you tote up the numbers (goals for: 5; goals against: 29) in the last four games, it is hard to avoid the conclusion that these other teams are way younger, way faster and way more skilled than your heroes are as a team. While there is no doubt that the Pirates have their superstars who could hold their own on any of the teams in the TNHC Monday Night Molson Dry Division, as a team, the only motivation that the Mighty Pirates can find these days to even take their shifts is to save face and retain their dignity.

This situation is, to say the least, grating on the nerves and a challenge to the fundamentally good-natured way that the Pirates take to hockey. The indignities heaped upon them by teams who press for goals with an eight goal lead and two minutes on the clock (and then argue with the refs about who should get the assists!) demonstrate how difficult it is to keep one's cool when being whalloped and dissed at the same time. Add to that the gratuitous violence, the sneers and the gloating, and you wonder why the boys put up with it at all.

Why, you ask? It is for the love of the game - and the beer and wings after the game! It's for the kids and the crowds of hockey-starved fans in the stands! It's for God and country! It's for the press – and for posterity! Okay, okay, we are getting carried away...

So, in a total of 64 minutes of hockey over the last two games, the Pirates have managed a total of two goals: one by Jim Jezioranski (unassisted) against the Venom, and one by Todd Kitchen (on a gorgeous drop pass from Shaun Leggett, who carried the puck over the blue line past two hulking defensemen) against the Iceholes. The boys were in near full force against the Venom (missing only Blair Dimock) and were only missing two players (Rob Kwinter, who was nursing his OTHER knee, and Richard Bingham, who was AWOL) for the deadly 11:15 p.m. match against the Iceholes. Spirits undaunted, the Pirates managed to field 13 at the Howie's post-game festivities after the Venom game, and even had six around the table at sometime past midnight after facing the Iceholes.

Some have suggested that the lack of the Wednesday night skate is contributing to the Pirates' on-ice woes, but all in all, it is just that the competition seems to be one level above what the boys can handle. It looks like a serious case can be made to move the Pirates to the Coors Light Division after the last preseason game next week versus the Mid-Ice Crisis (though this team is rumoured to be the weaker winter version of the summer powerhouse that pummeled the Pirates in the TNHC Summer championship final). After all, the first place team in that division, Money Shot, was 5-0 after their first five games, having outscored their competition 29 to 1! They might enjoy the atmosphere in the curthroat, no-mercy, score until you die Molson Dry Division. Hopefully, the powers that be will note the plight of your heroes and give them a breath of hope.

In the meantime, as noted, the season continues next Monday, November 8 at 7:00 p.m. in RINX 3 against the aforementioned Mid-Ice Crisis. For an insightful analysis of why these guys chose that name, check out the link to the final report on the 2004 Summer Pirates season, in which a veteran hockey reporter analyzes the unique style that this team uses to neutralize attacks and press their advantage against their opponents (http://Summer.PirateHockey.ca). So, buck up, me laddies, there may be a future ahead for you swashbucklers yet.

GO PIRATES!!! VIVA LOS PIRATAS!!! Howie