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After extensive contract negotiations, the Mighty Pirates organization is extremely pleased to welcome back Howie for another season of insightful, amusing, and extremely addictive commentary! Yes, Howie tells it like it is!

You'll find links to each and every Howie Report right here after each game.

Wardrobe Malfunction Mars Pirate Win
2004-12-06: Mighty Pirates 5 vs. Crunch 3

Mighty Pirates management spent much of the night following the Pirates' win over the Crunch on Monday Night at RINX 2 pondering their options to avoid a repeat of the near-fiasco that nearly threw a wrench into the well-oiled Pirate machine prior to the game. While the team's active player scoring leader did do the team a huge favour by washing his equipment (avoiding respiratory injuries to those of his teammates who sat next to him in the locker room or on the bench), the fact that he appeared for the game without the requisite ensemble of equipment (missing his shin pads) threatened not only his assault on Mike Stein's position in the record books as all-time Pirate scorer but also the focus of the team on the game at hand. Only a concerted effort by the rest of the team to concoct a make-shift assemblage of extra socks, parts of shoulder pads, jocks and who-knows-what-else saved the day for the star centre.

The front office brain trust is considering a range of options, including using reserve funds to purchase an entire set of spare equipment to be brought to every game, a detailed checklist to be provided to each player for use prior to leaving for the rink (including a complete schedule with start times to be used by Mark Sager), and a telephone tree or buddy system whereby each player would call a teammate to make sure they are awake, have their equipment, remember which rink to go to, and whether they need a ride. Such drastic action, normally reserved for the Squirt Division of house leagues, suggests the seriousness with which the team views the need to have every Pirate available for every game.

In the end, with the crisis at hand averted, the team took to the ice with rejigged lines generated by ever-creative Captain Vito Mola. The three full forward lines were: John Mutch centering Dave Turner and Jim Jezioranksi; Jonathan Gallivan centering Vito Mola and Nick Perri; and Rob Kwinter centering Auby Mandell and Richard Bingham (promoted from defense to play power forward. Defensive pairings were Blair Dimock with Les Klein and Jim Butler with Todd Kitchen. Matthew Lella stood between the uprights. Sadly, Shaun Leggett was home nursing the flu, and Mark Sager (see above) had decided not to play until 11:10, and showed up to watch the end of the game.

With all of the histrionics in the locker room before the game, players were late getting on the ice from both teams. The Crunch, though behind the Pirates in the standings, came into the game having handled two other teams in the division which had given the Pirates trouble. True to form, the Pirates took early control of the game, keeping the puck in the Crunch end for much of the first period. Indeed, they were able to generate numerous scoring chances that were, alas, turned back by a stellar performance from the Crunch goalkeeper. When fresh legs appeared on the Crunch bench halfway through the period, they caught the Pirates by surprise and, with 3:18 left in the first period, made the Pirates pay for an errant pass and scored on a breakaway to take the lead. Without losing focus, however, the Pirates went back to their game, and were finally able to convert the chances to a goal, when a charging Bingham crashed the net to take a pass from Kitchen, who had picked up the rebound from a booming shot by Kwinter to put it past the goalie for his first of the season with 1:50 left to go.

Just 1:10 into the second period, another bit of bad luck, a pass into the corner that bounced off the chest of a defender, created a scoring chance for the Crunch which gave them the lead. After that, play in the second was very similar to the first — an incredible number of chances by the Pirates, from breakaways, beautiful passing plays, wrap-arounds, even gaping holes where the goalie was caught off guard, all for naught, as the Crunch goalie kept the boys in black and yellow at bay, and shots went wide, off the post or into the chest or pads. At the same time, Matthew Lella saved the Pirates from falling further behind on several occasions, as the Crunch poured it on when they could take possession. It took a nifty last second tic-tac-toe play from Rob Kwinter to Auby Mandell to Jonathan Gallivan to the upper corner to tie it up with just 3 seconds left in the second.

Then, as has been their pattern in their current four game winning streak, in the third period, the Pirates finally found their groove. Jim Jezioranski electrified the crowd with a nearly unheard of natural hat trick over a four minute, 50 second period, starting just 12 seconds into the frame. The first was an unassisted effort in which he simply outfoxed the sprawling Crunch goalie, while the second came at the end of a powerful shot from the point by Blair Dimock, picked up by John Mutch and finally put away by Jimmy (himself chasing the Mike Stein record, just nine points behind the mark and eight behind Johnny Mutch). The third goal started with Dave Turner fighting tenaciously for the puck on the boards, finally gaining control and dishing it to John Mutch, who tucked it over to the man with the magic hands, and Jimmy made good on the offer. With the game seemingly on ice, the Pirates focused on control.

Alas, as has also been their pattern, the defense was caught napping on a horrible line change initiated by Les Klein, who left the goalie undefended and led to a Crunch goal with just 1:02 left, and your heroes again had their hearts in their throats. Why do they let their opponents get a life when the game is so close to over? Well, you can look at a number of factors in this game, not the least was worry on the bench as to the health of Jim Butler, who went down hard against the boards, and sat off the rest of the game. He subsequently reported that he had cracked two ribs and would be sidelined for at least two weeks. Richard Bingham ably stepped back into his role as defenseman-on-call and filled his shoes when needed.

So the Pirates salvaged another victory, albeit another close game. It was also, thankfully, a relatively clean game, with few penalties and a contest of relative equals. But how does this bode for the rest of the season? No doubt the Pirates are enjoying the wins — certainly more than acting as cannon fodder for the young bucks in the Molson Dry Division- and next week's contest against the Steelheads promises to be more of the same. Although this team is in seventh place and is winless in four games, they too sport a goals-against-average similar to the Pirates, and will be a formidable foe. But if that is the case, how will your heroes fare when they finally get the chance to face the division-leading Original Chiefs (whom they are scheduled to face in the middle of the holiday season — a make-up game for the RINX 3 melt-down of two games ago — with a manpower-depleted squad), the Condors or the Tigers, who also continue to rack up the wins and stay ahead of the MPs? These are questions that weigh heavily on the Pirates' coaching staff, as they pick through the tea leaves to try and see the future. Yes, there are four down, but how many to go?

The equipment shenanigans continued after the game, as John Mutch unpeeled his ersatz shin pads, only to discover that he had lost the shaft from his broken stick, another casualty of the evening. Alternately accusing himself of absent-mindedness, the referees of thievery and the Crunch of devious tactics in relieving him of the weapon he so desperately needs to overtake Mike Stein, he fumed and roamed the rink half-dressed and muttering to himself. Finally, Dave Turner, a player who knows how to take charge (having single-handedly rescued the Wednesday Night Pirate Skate™ from oblivion, marched out to the recently vacated Pirate bench and created the opportunity to give John Mutch the shaft (back), to the amusement of the assembled crowd.

With the holiday spirit upon us all, Howie looks forward to the Pirates' next game on Monday, December 13 at 9:10 at RINX 2 against the Steelheads, and also hopes that the Wednesday Night Skate continues, despite his absence. I suggest you be there — it promises to be an exciting game with thrills and spills, and you won't want to miss it! Certainly, the crowds who stay and watch are enthralled. In fact, the attendance at Pirate games has continued to climb week by week, and the estimate of the number of fans in the stands at the last game has been raised by 33% (to 4)!

In the words of Simon Bolivar,
GO PIRATES!!! VIVA LOS PIRATAS!!!

Howie