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After extensive contract negotiations, the Mighty Pirates organization is extremely pleased to welcome back Howie for another season of insightful, amusing, and extremely addictive commentary! Yes, Howie tells it like it is!

You'll find links to each and every Howie Report right here after each game.

PIRATES WIN POPULAR VOTE!!!
2005-03-28: Mighty Pirates 3 vs. Loch Monsters 5

Loch Monsters Defeat Favored Pirates 5-3 in Battle of Giants

The Mighty Pirates were clearly the fan favorites going into the finals of the TNHC Monday Night Coors Light Division Finals. Respondents to the PirateHockey.ca poll voted by an overwhelming margin of 55% to 45% that they expected the Pirates to solve the Monster mystery going into what could have been a two-game final. And while the Pirates were under no illusions about the challenge that they faced, they also knew what was required. The cries of "Pirate Brand Hockey®" could be heard on sports radio call-in shows, letters to the editor in newspapers, web-based bloggers, at every corner Starbucks (sponsors of the fabled Starbucks Cup), and around water coolers in offices around the continent.

In the end, the best that the Pirates could deliver was 2/3 of Pirate Brand Hockey®, because for the big game on Monday Night at 8:00 p.m. on RINX 3, only 11 of your heroes were available to answer the bell. With the insidious Travel Bug claiming Jim Butler and Shaun Leggett, Kneeus Injurius felling Vito Mola and Blair Dimock, and personal pressures sidelining Nick Perri, the painful reality of Shortius Benchius made its appearance. And while the Pirates could perhaps afford to coast against some of the teams in the Division this season, that could not be the case against any of the teams in Pool A, and certainly not against the Loch Monsters, who have enjoyed a Neck Loch on the Pirates all season. The statistics speak for themselves — going into this game, the Pirates were 0-3-1 against the LMs, and even though none of the games were decided by more than two goals, the Pirates managed to take a lead only in the previous game that the two teams had played (and their first playoff game), only to see that lead disintegrate in the third period and then see the game slip away as a result of an overtime goal.

However, the Pirates are a team, through and through, and that applies not only to the Mighty Pirates but also to their summer affiliate. You do not have to look farther for proof of this than to note that Captain Vito Mola and summer goaltender Tim Sturgeon both showed up to the game to again lend moral support and coaching assistance, the value of which cannot be overstated. It was heart-warming for the boys, donning their home yellow jerseys, to have these two guys at their sides, cheering them on throughout the game.

With Matthew Lella game-ready to stand between the pipes, Vito sent two full lines out for the game. John Mutch centered Jonathan Gallivan and Mark Sager, while Jim Jezioranski centered Auby Mandell and Dave Turner. Defensive pairs were Rob Kwinter with Richard Bingham and Todd Kitchen with Les Klein. Dave Turner, just returned from a week in Fidel's workers' paradise, commented that he almost jumped out of his seat when he checked the internet for PirateHockey.ca, and saw that as a result of the Pirate win over the Tigers in the semi-finals, there would indeed be hockey to play on the Monday after his return.

In the end, the game followed to a T the Pirates' nightmare scenario. Just 32 seconds into the game, the Loch Monsters clamped their jaws onto the Pirates' future and never let go. They scored again with 2:15 gone in the second to build a 2-0 lead. The Pirates took shot after shot, but did not seem to be able to get the puck past the hulking Monster goalie. Finally, just 18 seconds after the Monsters scored, Gallivan took a pass from Mutch who had taken a pass from Kwinter to the left of the net and popped it past the goalie with a lovely one-timer. That gave the boys in yellow some life. But that was not to last long. With 3:38 left in the second, in a scramble in front of the Pirates net, Klein, ostensibly playing defense, managed to kick the puck past a desperate Lella to hand the Monsters a 3-1 lead on a silver platter. Klein, who had trouble clearing the puck all night, then attempted to break the world's javelin throw record for people wearing skates and using a hockey stick as a projectile, but failed even in that.

Admittedly, pucks were finding Monster sticks all night, as Pirate attempts to pass along the boards or up the middle were consistently picked off inside the blue line and brought back by the Monsters on the attack. Pucks would bounce over Pirate sticks, and stick to those in Monster hands. The Pirates did keep up the pressure, however, and made the contest appear respectable. In the third period, Jezioranski reprised the earlier Gallivan/Mutch/Kwinter performance, and used the pass from Mandell to guide the rubber past the red line and made it 3-2. But the Monsters knew how to fluster the MPs, and scored again with just 3:08 to go to make it 4-2. As the seconds ticked down, the Pirates pulled a desperate effort out of their hat. They pulled the goalie with just over one minute left, and with just 12 seconds on the clock, Gallivan scored again on the inside effort of Sager, who dished it off the Mutch, who in turn got it back to the young sniper, and Jonathan made it count. Unfortunately, the Pirates could not control the face-off that followed that goal, and that allowed a lone Monster to get inside the Pirate zone uncontested to score the final empty-netter with just 3 seconds on the clock, to add insult to injury and end the game with a 5-3 score.

The game was thankfully free of penalties and was also relatively cleanly played. Credit must be given to the Loch Monsters, who played the role of the Mid-Ice Crisis to the 2004 Summer Pirates as their unsolvable puzzle. They not only played well and skated hard (it did seem that all of the Monsters were able to out-skate the Pirates on flat-out races to the puck), but they managed this victory while keeping their cool. They also have a remarkable ability to bring out the fans, as the stands and Howie's after the game were full of girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, husbands, children and other relatives and friends, while the Pirates managed to attract only SuperFan and the entire Sturgeon family.

The final game did put on ice several new Pirate all-time and season records, as John Mutch surpassed the legendary Mike Stein's record of 33 points by one, notching 20 goals and 14 assists. In addition, Jim Jezioranski surpassed Stein's all-time Pirate Modern Era scoring title with a tally of 68 goals in his illustrious career. And Matthew Lella notched a banner MVP-style season with a dramatic 13 wins, including 8 shut-outs. Even in the light of the achievements of Mutch, Jezioranski and the other hard-working Pirate crew, Lella is certainly Howie's choice for player of the year.

So, while the 2004-2005 winter season is over for the Mighty Pirates, fans have much to look forward to — the start of the Summer Pirates' 2005 season on Monday, May 2, featuring many new and returning faces on the roster, and the return of the Mighty Pirates for 2005-2006, where it is hoped that there will be little turnover from the squad that gelled so well on and off the ice this season. It was a blast — but wait until next year!!!

GO PIRATES!!! VIVA LOS PIRATAS!!!

Howie