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After extensive contract negotiations, the Mighty Pirates organization is extremely pleased to welcome back Howie for another season of insightful, amusing, and extremely addictive commentary! Yes, Howie tells it like it is!

You'll find links to each and every Howie Report right here after each game.

Pirates Don't Get Mad, They Get Even - And Then They Win!
2013-02-11: Mighty Pirates 5 at Badgers 4

Howie has been playing the role of groundhog or ostrich for so long, many Pirates don't even remember that he exists. But he absolutely had to come out of hibernation to report on what certainly has to rank as one of the Mighty Pirates' most exciting games in their two-decade long history: Monday night's come from behind victory over the Badgers in their historic first contest ever against the pesky little mammals.

Was it a pretty game? No. Was it Pirate Brand Hockey®? No. Was it penalty-free? No. But was it exciting? Most definitely!

The Pirates were able to boast a nearly full bench for the game, with Dave Hine substituting for the venerable Doc Sager, who was felled with a nasty cold and could not suit up. Even more remarkably, Besant managed to get three points on the night as well — unfortunately, it was for a traffic ticket! He claimed that the problem was that the police officer who stopped him was not a hockey fan. And even stranger than that (but what could be stranger than True North Hockey?), the scorekeeper gave Besant an assist — maybe the world's record for further distance from the puck to be credited with an assist.

The webmaster has already written a noble piece of prose describing the end-to-end action on the ice, but Howie wants to focus on a common thread that ran through the entire game. The Badgers are not a bad team, and they have a couple of young skaters who can handle the puck and skate like the wind, but they do have a tendency to get a bit chippy in the corners. And they used these traits to take a 2-0 lead over the Pirates within 47 seconds of the puck-drop! Often in these circumstances, the Pirates get pretty disgruntled — at themselves, at the opposition, at the refs — and the grumbling had already begun on the bench when 20 seconds later J. Klein took the puck end-to-end and pocketed it under the surprised goalie to bring the boys back into the game. The grumbling continued over a questionable call on "good guy" Leggett for hooking, which put the Pirates short-handed as the first period ended.

The second period belonged to the goalies as collapsing defenses on both sides and too-long shifts for the forwards led to many scoring chances that were thwarted by the extraordinary efforts in between both sets of pipes, until with two minutes left J. Klein again went to the five-hole and slid the tying goal through. That lead did not last long, as the Badgers called in their big guns — Szeto and Goldstein — and netted two more goals in five minutes to start the third period to create what appeared to be an insurmountable lead with seven minutes to go. The disgruntledness returned on the heels of another strange penalty call against Gallivan, who let his "inner Rocky" out on his way to the penalty box, and the yapping on the bench towards the refs grew louder.

But Pirates don't get mad, they get even — a minute and a quarter later, J. Klein went to his favourite cavity and slid yet another goal under that hapless goalie on a lovely pass from Mandell. With the game getting closer, Hine was brutally hauled down by a badger on his way towards the goal and ended up plastered against the boards. Hine is recovering from a concussion which occurred while playing in another unauthorized game, so concern grew on the bench and the razzing of the refs became more intense.

But Pirates don't get mad, they get even — Hine, playing centre on the modified grind line, worked his way down the ice with D. Turner and Phillips, and showing incredible determination, repeatedly and effectively rammed the puck through a gap between the post and the goalie's skates to tie up the game with 4:42 left in the game. Then with 2:27 remaining on the clock and the game tied 4-4, Mutch was sent to the penalty box for cross-checking on another highly questionable decision, and the Pirate bench became uncontrollable, with many normally quiet mouths flapping out of control.

But Pirates don't get mad, they get even — and as the clock ticked down to the final seconds and the penalty kill having preserved the tie for the Pirates, Mutch exploded out of the penalty box, streaked down the ice towards the Badger end, picked up a laser pass from J. Klein deep in the Pirate zone and slid the puck into the net on an amazing backhand shot at an impossible angle.

The crowd, as they say, went wild, and all pretense of good sportsmanship went out the window as the perception of good triumphant over both evil and incompetence led to celebration on the ice and the post-game handshake.

Was Howie pleased at the rugged determination of the Pirates to stay in the game? Of course. Was he pleased at the teamwork on the ice? Of course. But was he pleased by the lack of positional play, by some too-long shifts and by the yapping on the bench? I think not. Whatever you may say about these shortcomings, however, cannot take away from the fact that this game was one of the most memorable this reporter has ever seen the Pirates play in their illustrious history. You should have been there! In fact, that ought to teach you — never miss a Mighty Pirate game — you never know when a "miracle on ice" moment may occur.

GO PIRATES!!! VIVEN LOS PIRATAS!!!