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After extensive contract negotiations, the Mighty Pirates organization is extremely pleased to welcome back Howie for another season of insightful, amusing, and extremely addictive commentary! Yes, Howie tells it like it is!

You'll find links to each and every Howie Report right here after each game.

Money Shot 6 (or 7 or 8 - but who's counting?), Mighty Pirates 1
2006-09-18: Mighty Pirates 1 at Money Shot 6

Your Mighty Pirates (0-1-0) came charging out of the gate in their first game of Season XIV against the Money Shot (1-0-0) in RINX 2 on Monday night and — well, they were, shall we say, a tad sluggish. In fact, they waited until there were just 0.2 seconds left in the game to score their first goal of the season off a fine shot by Captain Vito Mola (and assists by John Mutch - wait, let's check that - an assist from John Mutch? Yes, that's correct!) That did not leave a lot of time to close the remaining five goal gap, and the final recording score remained as posted — 1-6 for the other guys.

Let's analyze what might have gone wrong... To start with, Captain Mola had a heck of a time inspiring his troops and instilling in them that desire, that drive for the W. Why? Well, the boys appeared at RINX laden with awards galore — the result of a magnificent evening of celebration and good cheer, courtesy of El Capitano himself at his own digs on September 7. All of the attendees were treated to a fabulous spread of steak, sausages, panini, pasta and salad — not to mention drinks — on the patio in the best tradition of European hospitality. In addition, each Pirate was recognized with a unique (and needless to say, embarrassing and humorous) award for his contribution to the team on and off the ice, and — with the lights turned down and the spotlight on — in a tear-filled and truly glorious moment, the jerseys of Richard Bingham, Mark Cooper and Blair Dimock were retired and their roles in Mighty Pirate lore highlighted.

So, full of food and self-importance, the Pirates were less than hungry to play. The mood in the pre-game locker room was light and airy, and — with the exception of Klein who busied himself with first game paperwork — the banter was friendly and laid back. As a result, it was quite a shock to take the ice against the Money Shot, who boasted an entire squadron of what seemed to most correspondents to be former Junior A players (no cage, tiny helmets, straps undone, booming shots from the blue line, red line and the crease) of a later generation (or two) than most of the Pirates.

Shock #2 came within moments of the start of the game as the parade to the penalty box for both teams began in earnest. TNHC's new protocol for enforcement of rules regarding interference caught Pirates and Money Shots alike by surprise. Of course, the usual suspects found themselves in the box early, especially Klein — who recently renounced his perpetual quest for the Lady Byng and has clearly decided — in light of his relegation to defense — to wear instead Richard Bingham's mantle. Opinions on this turn of events were decidedly mixed, but overall, the trend was in favour, especially if it cuts down on the number of hockey related injuries sustained by the increasingly aging Pirate bodies. In total, the Pirates took four penalties and the Money Shot five, but power plays seemed to make little difference in the outcome, as Money Shot seemed to be able to score on the power play, at even strength or short-handed.

The third shock came when the Pirates realized that — no offense — but there was no offense. By carefully reconstructing the game afterwards in the locker room, the boys could piece together memories of as many as six shots on net all game (with 32 minutes of clock time, that is an average of just over five minutes between shots — on the ice, that is an eternity!). While certainly everyone was skating hard, it was clear that a full bench would be needed whenever possible. The defensive pairs of Kwinter and Mola, and Matusek and Klein; the winger pairs of Leggett and Phillips; Turner and Mandell; and Perri and Sturgeon; and the two centers, Mutch and Gallivan, all worked hard, but they sorely missed Jim Jezioranski (side-lined by a broken collarbone from summer hockey [NOT for the Summer Pirates]), Chris Besant (away on business [NOT Mighty Pirates business]), and — of course — Mark "Shoot Shoot Shoot" Sager. Mighty Pirate rookies Phillips and Tim "playing up when not in goal if the Pirates need the extra guy" Sturgeon contributed at both ends of the ice, but even they were not up to the speed and power of the Money Shots.

Shock #4 came a couple of days later when the team was informed that September 19 was Talk Like a Pirate Day — arg, ladies, and we were missin' it on the arg, ice!

So, is there any good news? Well, here are a few tidbits of note:

1 We are not in the same division as the Tigers...
2 We get to play next week anyway (even if it is 11:15 p.m. — the killer time!)...
3 The turn-out at the post-game Howie's press conference and beer-and-wings fest was a respectable one (11 of 13 players) — and an appropriate amount of food and drink was consumed...
4 General Manager Roger Jolie has gone out into the free agent market and signed up a talented, young rushing defenseman named Evan Mintz (the oldest son of Friend of the Pirates Don Mintz), who will be joining the club for their next game. This gives the Pirates a full roster and some good back-up and speed at both ends of the ice. So, welcome, Evan!

and, oh yes,

5 Howie is back.

All in all, it was nice to be out there again — and to know that the storied Mighty Pirate franchise continues to live up to its motto, "Good Guys, Great Game" (or is it "Great Guys, Good Game?"). What will be the mood of the season as it develops? Stay tuned to PirateHockey.ca and come out to watch your heroes play their hearts out for their fans! It could be a good one.

See you at RINX 1, Monday, 11:15 p.m. as the Pirates take on their perennial rivals, the Mid-Ice Crisis (0-1-0) for game 2 of Season XIV.

In the meantime,
GO PIRATES!!! VIVA LOS PIRATAS!!! ARG, THAR SHE BLOWS!!!

Howie